This link that re-envisions movies as book jackets.
Pick your favorites.
Mine? Not too surprisingly I'm tickled by Highlander, Shaun of the Dead, Batman Returns, Back to the Future and Labyrinth.
Hee.
Showing posts with label just for fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just for fun. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Metaphorically Speaking
Every year, English teachers from across the country compile and submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphor found in high school students essays. Here below for your guffawing pleasure is a list of the top 25.
They better as you go on.
No doubt I came up with equally unintentionally hysterical verbiage in my time. Those poor kids were probably so earnest thinking they were crafting the greatest thing since Hemingway. I can actually feel the intensity behind some of these efforts. That did not stop me from laughing into a wheezing state as I read them. And on some of them, the tongue-in-cheek, smart ass attitude comes through loud and clear. These are crazy awesome funny.
Poor fools. They keep on the windy side of care.
My favorites? Three, six, eight, fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, nineteen is priceless, twenty-two is awesome, twenty-four came straight from the Cohen brothers oeuvre, I'm sure.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master®.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free®.
3. He spoke with wisdom that only comes from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of e. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty® bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and JEOPARDY! comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other
from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But, unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
What are your favorites? Any you've heard yourself that you'd like to share?
They better as you go on.
No doubt I came up with equally unintentionally hysterical verbiage in my time. Those poor kids were probably so earnest thinking they were crafting the greatest thing since Hemingway. I can actually feel the intensity behind some of these efforts. That did not stop me from laughing into a wheezing state as I read them. And on some of them, the tongue-in-cheek, smart ass attitude comes through loud and clear. These are crazy awesome funny.
Poor fools. They keep on the windy side of care.
My favorites? Three, six, eight, fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, nineteen is priceless, twenty-two is awesome, twenty-four came straight from the Cohen brothers oeuvre, I'm sure.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master®.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free®.
3. He spoke with wisdom that only comes from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of e. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty® bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and JEOPARDY! comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other
from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But, unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
What are your favorites? Any you've heard yourself that you'd like to share?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
It's a Hard Duck Life
Because I can't resist a good animal story - and not because I'm bowing under pressure from certain people for a new post posthaste - here is a quick link to an absolutely adorable chain of events. Although not too encouraging with regard to the common sense of ducks. Plus Spokane! Where my wundebar cousin works and where I had a delightful day, during my visit a few years ago, as I waited for her to finish work .
Enjoy!!
Duck Crossing
Enjoy!!
Duck Crossing
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Make Way for Ducky!
Courtesy of my awesome friend Jenn who also serves as peanut gallery foreman:
And...
Things are going just swimmingly.
And...
Things are going just swimmingly.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
We Named the Dog Indiana
There I was, looking for some watch batteries in Target via the action figures aisle (go figure) when I saw him, grinning a goofy grin from his ignoble perch. The culmination of months of searching Walmarts far and wide, full of unintelligible employees parroting "Uh, we don't carry that."
Behold.
Taters of the Lost Ark. HA! The whip slays me, absolutely slays me. He even has a smashing leather jacket. Then there's the little golden idol in the shape of a Mr. Potato Head.
I love it. And when you press the hat, it plays the opening two bars to the Indiana Jones theme.
What a freaking riot.
Behold.
Taters of the Lost Ark. HA! The whip slays me, absolutely slays me. He even has a smashing leather jacket. Then there's the little golden idol in the shape of a Mr. Potato Head.
I love it. And when you press the hat, it plays the opening two bars to the Indiana Jones theme.What a freaking riot.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Notes From the Peanut Gallery
A few quick thoughts to quiet the hecklers from the peanut gallery. AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Ahem.
Apparently, there is not a lot of love out there for the monkeys. Now, I myself did say that they weren't necessarily my favorite members of the Perp Wall, but it's not like they're disfigured or wandering around with axes in their hands and murder on their minds. Still, the words "creepy", "weird" and "sandy-faced" (okay, I'll give you that one) have come up in the last few days along with requests for new posts to take them off of headliner status. Never mind that I have been dealing with HOSPITALS and DOCTORS and POTENTIALLY MORTALLY ILL MOTHERS for two months. Priorities people. That's all I'm saying
Ergo:
- Driving to work this morning with what might be the stupidest traffic I have been in for a while (and that's saying something when you factor in the pure amount of driving I do these days), I noticed an 18-wheeler, flatbed truck next to me in the center lane. On the back of the rig, at the top edge of its cab, was the question "Whos (sic) Your Daddy?" To which I immediately replied (as I sped by, natch) "Not you baby!" There may even have been a jaunty wave.
- Two weeks ago I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of my lunchtime appointment, talking to my aunt on the phone and giving her the most recent update on my mom's health. While we were speaking, I began to gather what I needed for the appointment and was ticking things off in my mind as I went along until I was left with only my cell phone to locate. At which point I had a mind panic attack when I couldn't immediately locate it before I realized that I was already on it!
- Yesterday, a college roommate rang me just as I was finishing up work and we spent some time chatting and catching up. I had been putting off going to the ladies room until the job I was waiting for was completed so that I could hit the bathroom on my way to the car and not have to go out from my desk twice. Yep, I'm just that lazy. And then Robin called. Needless to say, through the course of our conversation, my bladder grew increasingly - exponentially - uncomfortable. So I start booting down my computer, packing my bag, putting my glasses away, etc. all the trappings of getting ready to leave. I figured I didn't have to get off the phone, but rather that I could keep talking to Robin as I went along down the hallway and out to the lobby to the loo. I knew from experience that Robin wouldn't take offense at that and was pleased with my efficient solution. Up to the point when I realized that I was speaking to her on my office phone, not my cell phone. Don't think the phone cord reaches quite that far. The sad thing? Putting my cell phone in my purse was not the means by which I'd figured that out.
- GM announced today that they are closing 4 plants that make SUVs and Hummers, affecting approx. 10,000 workers as "surging gas prices hasten a dramatic shift to smaller vehicles" according to MSNBC. Furthermore, MSNBC reports that GM is considering dropping the entire line of Hummers amidst slumping sales. This means that I might actually be able to see around the vehicle in front of me for a change. But it's a sad and scary indication how this petrol issue is trickling through our economy to all areas, not only consumables. Makes me appreciate my four cylinder even more - though I wouldn't mind a little faster pick up on the hills.
- Also per MSNBC - and every other news agent on the known planet - "Obama Clinches Democratic Nomination." Oh crap. Now I have to vote republican. I hate voting republican. I was soooo looking forward to getting those jackasses out of office this election.
- Finally, I laughed out loud at this at least 4 times. But then, that's me.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Office Chic: Monkey Do
Alas, I have monkeys on my wall.
I wonder who first came up with using monkeys to illustrate the hear no evil, see no evil, say no evil mantra of good intentions. I guess it's the prevailing (and erroneous in my opinion) theory of evolution that makes us use cute simian avatars to personify human behaviors. Although any animal would suit for this purpose; I personally would enjoy a trifecta of cats with paws strategically placed for maximum prevention over eyes, ears, and mouths.
But I have monkeys.
This trio is appropriately the third installment on my perp wall. I have less affection for them than I do for the others, but let me be clear that this has nothing to do with their source. As I recall, my mother gave them to my sister and I each, possibly as a going-away-to-college thing. No doubt with the hope that they might instill some sense of decorum and/or restraint in her wayward daughter (that would be me again) but I have m
y own doubts as to their overall effectiveness. Still, they've been boxed over the years with other, more treasured chotckas, so somewhere along the way they had more intrinsic value than they do now. Who knows what they might rate in the future?
And yet, when I look at them, all I can think of is the Buffy episode where Oz is ruminating on a box of animal crackers wondering why the monkey is the only animal that gets clothes. "I mock you with my monkey pants" still makes me laugh.
And there's that stuck in my head for the rest of the day.
No evil to be seen/said/heard here.
I wonder who first came up with using monkeys to illustrate the hear no evil, see no evil, say no evil mantra of good intentions. I guess it's the prevailing (and erroneous in my opinion) theory of evolution that makes us use cute simian avatars to personify human behaviors. Although any animal would suit for this purpose; I personally would enjoy a trifecta of cats with paws strategically placed for maximum prevention over eyes, ears, and mouths.
But I have monkeys.
This trio is appropriately the third installment on my perp wall. I have less affection for them than I do for the others, but let me be clear that this has nothing to do with their source. As I recall, my mother gave them to my sister and I each, possibly as a going-away-to-college thing. No doubt with the hope that they might instill some sense of decorum and/or restraint in her wayward daughter (that would be me again) but I have m
y own doubts as to their overall effectiveness. Still, they've been boxed over the years with other, more treasured chotckas, so somewhere along the way they had more intrinsic value than they do now. Who knows what they might rate in the future?And yet, when I look at them, all I can think of is the Buffy episode where Oz is ruminating on a box of animal crackers wondering why the monkey is the only animal that gets clothes. "I mock you with my monkey pants" still makes me laugh.
And there's that stuck in my head for the rest of the day.
No evil to be seen/said/heard here.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Personality #12
You Are An Exclamation Point |
 You are a bundle of... well, something. You're often a bundle of joy, passion, or drama. You're loud, brash, and outgoing. If you think it, you say it. Definitely not the quiet type, you really don't keep a lot to yourself. You're lively and inspiring. People love to be around your energy. (But they do secretly worry that you'll spill their secrets without even realizing it.) You excel in: Public speaking You get along best with: the Dash |
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