Final Diagnosis

circumlocution \sir-kuhm-loh-KYOO-shuhn\, noun:
The use of many words to express an idea that might be expressed by few; indirect or roundabout language.

Finally - a term for my condition!

I knew there had to be a diagnosis for me out there somewhere.

Besides nutter.

And goddess of all I survey.

Because those are just too obvious.

It's a Hard Duck Life

Because I can't resist a good animal story - and not because I'm bowing under pressure from certain people for a new post posthaste - here is a quick link to an absolutely adorable chain of events. Although not too encouraging with regard to the common sense of ducks. Plus Spokane! Where my wundebar cousin works and where I had a delightful day, during my visit a few years ago, as I waited for her to finish work .

Enjoy!!

Duck Crossing

Notes From the Peanut Gallery

A few quick thoughts to quiet the hecklers from the peanut gallery. AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Ahem.
Apparently, there is not a lot of love out there for the monkeys. Now, I myself did say that they weren't necessarily my favorite members of the Perp Wall, but it's not like they're disfigured or wandering around with axes in their hands and murder on their minds. Still, the words "creepy", "weird" and "sandy-faced" (okay, I'll give you that one) have come up in the last few days along with requests for new posts to take them off of headliner status. Never mind that I have been dealing with HOSPITALS and DOCTORS and POTENTIALLY MORTALLY ILL MOTHERS for two months. Priorities people. That's all I'm saying

Ergo:

• Driving to work this morning with what might be the stupidest traffic I have been in for a while (and that's saying something when you factor in the pure amount of driving I do these days), I noticed an 18-wheeler, flatbed truck next to me in the center lane. On the back of the rig, at the top edge of its cab, was the question "Whos (sic) Your Daddy?" To which I immediately replied (as I sped by, natch) "Not you baby!" There may even have been a jaunty wave.
• Two weeks ago I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of my lunchtime appointment, talking to my aunt on the phone and giving her the most recent update on my mom's health. While we were speaking, I began to gather what I needed for the appointment and was ticking things off in my mind as I went along until I was left with only my cell phone to locate. At which point I had a mind panic attack when I couldn't immediately locate it before I realized that I was already on it!
• Yesterday, a college roommate rang me just as I was finishing up work and we spent some time chatting and catching up. I had been putting off going to the ladies room until the job I was waiting for was completed so that I could hit the bathroom on my way to the car and not have to go out from my desk twice. Yep, I'm just that lazy. And then Robin called. Needless to say, through the course of our conversation, my bladder grew increasingly - exponentially - uncomfortable. So I start booting down my computer, packing my bag, putting my glasses away, etc. all the trappings of getting ready to leave. I figured I didn't have to get off the phone, but rather that I could keep talking to Robin as I went along down the hallway and out to the lobby to the loo. I knew from experience that Robin wouldn't take offense at that and was pleased with my efficient solution. Up to the point when I realized that I was speaking to her on my office phone, not my cell phone. Don't think the phone cord reaches quite that far. The sad thing? Putting my cell phone in my purse was not the means by which I'd figured that out.
• GM announced today that they are closing 4 plants that make SUVs and Hummers, affecting approx. 10,000 workers as "surging gas prices hasten a dramatic shift to smaller vehicles" according to MSNBC. Furthermore, MSNBC reports that GM is considering dropping the entire line of Hummers amidst slumping sales. This means that I might actually be able to see around the vehicle in front of me for a change. But it's a sad and scary indication how this petrol issue is trickling through our economy to all areas, not only consumables. Makes me appreciate my four cylinder even more - though I wouldn't mind a little faster pick up on the hills.
• Also per MSNBC - and every other news agent on the known planet - "Obama Clinches Democratic Nomination." Oh crap. Now I have to vote republican. I hate voting republican. I was soooo looking forward to getting those jackasses out of office this election.
• Finally, I laughed out loud at this at least 4 times. But then, that's me.

Rainy Days and Pain Days Always Get Me Down

I've been flat on my back since Saturday afternoon (and not in a good way) during which you'd think I would have set my overactive brain to formulating a more interesting post than what this is going to turn out to be. But as I spent those days in a prescription narcotic haze thanks to the pulled muscles in my back, instead I turned my sluggish, soggy brain towards the DVR and programs archived there that needed to be viewed and deleted to free up memory. Not terribly interesting, I'm afraid. (Though some really good shows. Lost is coming back!)

On my (painful) drive into work today:

• Following a pick-up truck, complete with cab, up Wyckoff Ave this morning, I saw written on the left side of the back window in Sharpie black "Free air bag test" and then on the right side "Keep tailgating." Ha. 'Specially since I'd just left the auto body shop.
  
• Driving south on Rt. 287, another commercial pick-up truck, this time for a welding company whose tag line on the back was "We weld everything but a broken heart." Aw. (And also, then what good are you?)
  

And that's it for my Tuesday morning Monday. Above? Me after a muscle relaxer and Percocet. Except more pain-filled.

Friday Afterthoughts

Only a few quick afterthoughts today as I am feeling particularly non-engaged. I'm blaming the rain for that. I am about to head out into rainy New Jersey, Friday night, Lincoln Tunnel rush hour traffic. (Why is it that drivers seem to loose brain cells with every rain drop?) So here's the short and sometimes sweet:

• If you live in the Bergen County area and haven't already checked out Wide World of Bagels in Ridgewood then you must do so right away. Their bagels are fantastic, all soft and fluffy and they don't scrape off the roof of your mouth when you're chewing. I had a salt bagel from them this week and it was perfect; not so drenched in salt so that you immediately needed a saline IV to balance your system, just enough to give it a bite . And their cream cheese is delish, creamy and lush. It's also a deli and has catering, but I can't vouch for that just yet. Their Web site (look at me - I'm linking!) says it's on N. Maple Ave in Ridgewood; It's down the street from the Goffle Grill, which I thought was on Goffle Ave in that Hawthorne/Midland Park/Ridgewood wasteland where you're never sure exactly what town you're in at a given time. But then I'm a native Essex County girl. You may wonder why I'm touting a bagel store. Do you know how difficult it is to find a bagel worth the name? Sure, I can make do with some inferior versions or the occasional good effort bagel. But once found, a prime bagel provider should be held on to fiercely. Trust me - I spent 6 bagelless months when I first got to England before I discovered George & Davies ice cream shop, which, ironically, had real bagels. And Bailey's Irish Cream ice cream, but that's a different story. Anyways. Check them out.
• If you want to see good people doing great things for animals, check out Best Friend Animal Shelter, an organization I discovered today, courtesy of the Guidelines magazine that my boss pawns off on me every so often. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of having my own ranch with all the cats and dogs that no one wanted; I imagined being able to tell surrounding shelters to send their unwanted ones to me rather than euthanize them. Here are people who are actually doing that exact thing.
• On a much more irreverent but funny note, there is a clip of comedian Sarah Silverman on the Jimmy Kimmel show from last night that is very funny. WARNING: it's not "family friendly" by any stretch of the imagination and I'm certainly no proponent of Silverman's work. But I laughed big time at this one.
• A few weeks ago, we had a Krum family party for my grandmother's 95th birthday, a luncheon that my uncle kicked off with a list of Krum/Litzenberger (my grandmother's maiden name) traits. One in the long list was OCD, which, okay, to some extent, yes. But it made me wonder if there was a more personally accurate OSD - Obsessive Snark Disorder. 'Cause I'm pretty sure I got that.

Happy Friday everyone!